5 things Förstemann can get away with that we can't

All in the track, most in the cycling and some in the outside world will know Robert Förstemann.
He's known for one thing...well, two actually. Two very bulbous things below his waist. Now hang on, I'm not straying into pornographic territory (although in a way this is a kind of cycling porn).
As illustrated by the picture below, dear Mr Förstemann is generally associated with his Quadriceps. Not the other way around.

Image source

I suppose in the same way well-endowed women have issues with people talking to their chests, Robert would have issues with people talking to his legs.

Compensating for something perhaps?
Image source

I wondered though, whether Rob was taking advantage of having what look like two nondescript toddlers hugging each leg. If not, I’ve compiled a short list of things he can be doing that the rest of us scrawny mortals can't as a means of getting him started. 

1.     Legitimately Go Commando.

2.     Not get teased for wearing lycra because on anyone else it’s just another pair of XXXXL shorts.

3.     Crack nuts between his thighs. Which probably happens on a daily basis anyway.

4.     Sink in water without the use of cement shoes. (Not sure why the rest of us would be dreaming of doing this one but whatever, a good party trick nonetheless).

5.     Clap with no hands.

Image source

So there you are Mr Förstemann. I hope you will now go away and start acknowledging the privileges you have granted yourself and maximise the leg-up you've given yourself. 

And to finish with a horribly poor joke.

What bet does Robert Förstemann always go for at the TAB?

Well, I'm sure you can finish that one in your head rather than me publish such dross.

Thanks for reading!

Previous post: Iron just got easy.

Iron just got easy

We all wanna better ourselves. Don't we? Maybe I should own the statement. I want to better myself. One of the ways I wanna do this is with my cycling, my general fitness. For too long I've felt like my peak performance has sat at the same level and this summer it's time to push those limits.

I'm not suggesting I'll end up a semi-pro athlete. I won't be pushing for podium in an Iron-man. That's simply ridiculous...or is it?

Thanks to Forpark Australia's Fitness Track training, maybe my dreams can come true. It was on a casual stroll through the park that Forpark tickled my eye-fancy with their ranking system at the bottom of the workouts.

I can answer my Iron calling with a gut-busting 20 sit-ups and six balance beam walks. Sure it's gonna take some serious training, that's why I've decided to sell my previous life and and train full time.

The Smart TV - Sold!

My dad's car - Sold!

The goldfish I inherited with the new place I moved into this year - Sold! (Toddlers pay a sweet price when you sell them a set of 2).

Check back in with me weekly and we can debrief how the training's going, whether my gut's are unharmed or torn to shreds. Whether my balance is akin to that of a cat on fence or dugong on highwire.

For mine I'll be disappointed if I'm not competing alongside our PM in some pronounced red budgiesmugglers come 2014!

Previous post: A great bloke

A Great Bloke

How much do we love a Great Bloke in Australia?

Well today I found one. He was spending his Sunday servicing the needs of cyclists at LeKnicks in Blackrock.

This might be a good time (pre story) to acknowledge the growing number of posts that make me seem like a bit of a space head when it comes to organising (I refer to the episode of picking up new wheels, Oct 2 post), can I reinforce that I'm not - always.

So I set out for a gentle Sunday roll and minutes in realised I'd forgotten to saddle up with a water bottle. Sure it wasn't going to be a demanding ride but the weather's turning and that sunshine was dehydrating my bodies Winter coat.

Cue the great bloke.

I stopped at LeKnicks knowing they do a pretty good deal on most things and crawled in gasping for a cheap water bottle, $5 or less. Rich of me, I know, but it was genuinely all the cash I had.
No dice. $10 was the cheapest.
"Thanks anyway", I shuffled back out into the desert, pointing my bike in the direction of the nearest palm-tree mirage.

As I went to stroke the pedals out gallops my Hero (wasn't wearing armour, so brave) offering me a $10 bottle for 5.

Not an example of where I source my water from.

"I can't be responsible for having a cyclist pass out cause he didn't have a bottle" he quipped. Possibly inferring that I appear so unfit this 17 degree sun was going to drop me like a fly.

I'd say the list of most ridiculous things to forget on a bike goes like this:
1. Bike.
2. Helmet.
3. WATER BOTTLE + WATER.
4. $3.50 coffee money.
5. A sock to stuff down the front of your knicks.

It should be noted that I did attempt to call the shop once I'd returned home to pay the extra $5 over the phone. Honestly the shop was closed. That's not some cheap lie to get me out of a debt I swear!
"Will I be calling tomorrow to pay?" You enquire.
Ummmmmmm.........yep.

So next time your passing LeKnicks, stop in and pick up a bargain, or a Great Bloke, whatever takes your fancy.


Previous post: Who knows how to crowd fund?