Pull out the paint

Here's a great little pic a mate I ride with, Dave, took last week in Covent Garden. Apparently they're used for bike tours taken around the London area.

I, for one, am all for this delicious splash of cycling colour. There are SOOO MANY black and white bikes on the road these days. How about we get real freaky and crack open the paint cans? Come on bike manufacturers/buyers, a little bit of pizazz, yeah I said pizazz!, won't kill you. (You'll notice in the 'Who am I' section of this blog that my bike is white. People in glass houses Charlie).

It should be stated that Bianchi bikes have long championed their Celeste as a point of difference in the black and white world of paint jobs.

Image source: bikejournal.com

But, since we're amongst friends here, let's be honest, it's not exactly the best choice from the colour palette. I feel there are two types in this world that are guaranteed to like the famous Celeste, Italians and Turtles. Italians because of nationalistic pride in the brand and rightly so. Turtles because...um..I dunno, just seems like they would, go with it.

ANYWAY,

It's another thing the Poms are doing right when it comes to bikes. I can just hear their joyful cries:

"If the sky's always grey, our bikes are always bright!"

Or something along those lines.
So let's take a spoke out of their wheel and have a bit of a paint fight. Most importantly -

 KEEP CALM AND CYCLE ON! 

I think the company that runs the tours is Brake Away bike tours. If anyone can clear that up for us it'd be much appreciated!

lost and FOUND!

Deviating slightly from the normal content, I delved into my wardrobe and got out my best Mother Teresa costume (yes, I have many).

Last night at Prahran Railway station I found a little black bag that had a whole bunch of cooking utensils in it. I think it belonged to a painter.

Anyway, I was waiting for a train to Richmond station and after a bit of toing and froing, decided to take this bag with me (which I assume would be worth a bit), in order to leave it at lost property.

On the way to Richmond I got nervous. What if the person who owned the bag suddenly appeared from the mist and saw me with it...?

"STOP THIEF! SOMEBODY SPEAR TACKLE THAT HORRIBLE MAN AND RETRIEVE MY DEAREST UTENSILS."

Could happen.

At which point I'd fumble my way through an explanation that I was trying to do the right thing.

Didn't happen.

So if you read this blog and on the evening of the 28/7 left your kitchen wonders at Prahran station, then they should be with Richmond station staff, who recommended you call Lost Property at Flinders St station to sort it out. Why call one station when they're at another? Not sure.

You will need to let them know the brand of the bag to prove it's yours.

Great. I leave it with you Mr or Mrs Ramsey. 

Public Transport Victoria Lost Property 

1800 800 007

Image source

A very short mac indeed

Having spent some time in Italy this year I've converted to the real stuff when it comes to coffee. Not to the point of chewing beans straight, but pretty close.

I drink short macs, however I don't think I've ever been taken quite so literally with my order as I was following this morning's ride.

The word 'short' was given scrupulous attention.  

For a moment I considered that I might have been served the spillage from someone else's order.
I inhaled for breath and accidentally finished my coffee at the same time.
An ant fell in and got wet up to it's knees.
I had to eat my coffee cause I put a sugar in that absorbed all the liquid.

I may sound bitter about this but I kinda have reason to be. It cost me $3.75.

Obviously it wasn't worth me kicking up a fuss and demanding some more spillage. I did what was right, paid my bill, thanked the staff kindly and then rode home to make a fat plunger coffee as compensation.

Can't get by without caffeine when you're cycling!

Safety first

Pictured here is an absolutely gorgeous Look 695 owned by a friend of mine, John, who I ride with. Putting it abruptly, it's a really nice bike.

In addition to this John doesn't hold back on making it that much nicer with all the enviable components hanging from it like jewels on the Queen.

What I love most about John's riding though is his stringent adherence to all available safety measures. As you can see here, when set up on the wind-trainer on the back porch during the day, the rear light is put into action providing a high level of visibility for all traffic approaching from the rear. I wonder if he wore a helmet as well during this particular sesh.

Stranger Sticker Danger

As I toddled around the streets of South Yarra the other day I caught sight of a sticker that spoke to me on another level.
"Hey you, yeah you, the one with the eyes. I may drive a car, but I know where it's really at."
To which I replied:
"Well played Sir, indeed you do."

Of course none of the above actually happened anywhere apart from in my mind. Stickers don't possess mouths or tongues, vital components (amongst many other things) required to construct the English language. Furthermore, if a sticker were to speak to me as I passed it by on the street I certainly wouldn't engage in conversation. Don't think I didn't learn 'Stranger Danger' at school.

Image source

An interesting interpretation of how to teach kids Stranger Danger lessons, considering that it involves 'hypnotic sleep stories.'
Practice what you preach Rick Collingwood. People are asking questions.

Just a fun vid

Some funny stuff from the world of cycling. 

Not great quality but it does the job.

Video source

The highlight has to be the amateur race towards the end.

What are nights for?

Ok…um…so…that’s the end of Le Tour.
I feel the following picture sums up my reaction perfectly.

Image source

What am I supposed to do between 10:30pm and 2am from now on? Semi-nocturnality suited me just fine.

Let’s not be ridiculous, I don’t want anyone suggesting I watch the Ashes. That’s too hard at the moment.

Made harder by the fact that I’d be going from Australians overachieving in the cycling (team Greenedge), to Australians underachieving (and that’s putting it lightly) in the cricket.

I already have to put up with constant barbs from English relatives. So if I don’t watch the methodical decapitation of our proud cricketing history at least I can claim ignorance to the situation.

Please don’t be too quick to judge me on this. Bear in mind that I’m a Melbourne Demons supporter (AFL) so I’m carrying serious supporter baggage. I still go to most home games despite feeling like I’m witness to team genocide every time. Pack the cricketers into that and we’re bursting at the seams.

Hang on a second…

Wait a minute…

What’s this? A headline to shred all doubts.

Hussey hopeful of Ashes turnaround

Yay, Mr Cricket’s positive, I can be too. Ok, yes, I’ll do it, I’ll take on another losing team. I’m well practiced in the area. This should be good. And if it’s not, it’s just over a month til the Vuelta a España starts (cycling’s 3^rd Grand Tour).

Happy riding!

Notice how I managed to finish on a cycling thought after veering wildly into cricket territory? For many, those two subjects would be more excruciating than fishing without bait...which I assume's pretty shit.

Winter may suck at times for a cyclist, but certain small wins are like a hot water-bottle in the pants.

Example A

I looked into my crystal cycling ball that doesn't exist and I saw...

Mountains in cycling are ranked from the hardest 'HC', 1, 2, 3, 4 being the easiest.

To give you an idea, when we're talking hard mountains in pro-cycling it's the kind of climb that a car from the 90's would struggle on, yes even your classic Honda Civic*.
Over the next three days the Tour De France includes:

• 5 x HC's
• 3 x cat. 1's
• 5 x cat. 2's
• 4 x cat. 3's

All this over 502km of racing.
 
Of the riders left in the race my crystral ball predicts:

• 50 throw the toys outta the cot and train it to Paris.
• 44 weep dramatically, thumbs in mouth with blanky, the lot.
• 35 throw up on themselves or someone close to them.
• 20 black-out and wake up as born again lycra-clad Christians. Expect them on your doorstep soon.
• 17 finish but never ride again, they become doctors/lawyers/accountants like their parents told them to. Duh!
• 10, as a result of so much strain in the saddle, lose their genitals. They are never found again.
• 1 explodes.

I won't be offering odds or taking money on the above, which seems strange because what's sport without gambling these days?...oh yeah, enjoyable.

Happy viewing!




*Forgive the flimsy attempt at a car joke. I know nothing about them but tried nevertheless.

Abducting the truth about Doping

What Chris Froome did the other day launching up a 21km mountain that has an average gradient of near 8% (crazy steep) was remarkable. His two accelerations where others had nothing was beyond amazing in terms of ability. Not to mention (but I am), he was doing it having already ridden 220km in the stage. These amazing turns of speed that had the media excited to the point of bringing up breakfast.

SO

What do the press do? They start sniffing for drugs like a dog in an airport. Did ol' Froomey get a cheeky stomach jab pre-stage? Were those pills he took really aspirin? He's certainly not on steroids, his near perfect representation of a stick insect confirms that. So what is it?

WELL

I have a friend who's uncovered the truth. Evidence that Froome's not on performance enhancing drugs. The picture below captures Froome in his natural state, possibly due to the high altitude atop the mountain finish. Twas only for a moment but the keen eye never wastes it's hunger. Wise words. Wise words.
He represents Britain, he was born in Kenya, but the juice Froome's on is outta this world!

Thanks to Pat B for exposing the truth. He
should do journalism and stuff.

Moments later, he regained his human disguise.
Was altitude a contributing factor to the
momentary malfunction of his endo-sapian
representation device?
Image source

Pi-cycle

Just finished reading Life of Pi recently. What’s with everything I see looking like a tiger these days? Honestly, everywhere I turn I see Richard Parker. I now feel I should carry a whistle everywhere I go (in-joke for those that get it).

Spotted in the dense forest that is Burke st CBD.

Speaking of unintentionally sexualised animal statues, here’s one I saw on a ride up the ‘1 in 20’ the other day.

2 things about this statue concern me. 1) The size of that pouch and the size of that Joey simply don’t add up to deliver a comfortable outcome. The facial expression of the adult confirms this. Not half way there and the furrowed brow’s already set in, oh dear. 2) Why are there kangaroos on the moon?

"Stop, stop,stop, I've changed my mind."

Finally, from a hard sell in the pouch to an easy one on the bike. Gazman, you really know how to make an image sing. 

“Hey guys, check us out, we’re spritely forty year olds that enjoy swell lives riding cruiser bicycles next to the ocean. Thanks for making it possible Gazman.”

Just wishing this guy was
a father figure in my early years.

WHERE’S THE HELMET!? And where were the PO-lice on this photo shoot?* That’s taunting the law that is. And for what? To sell some collared shirts? No Gazman, cracked skulls don’t sell collars, they stain them, just as your posters do your reputation. Tsk tsk tsk.

*For the purpose of this post I’m going to assume the photo-shoot took place in Australia (where helmets are law) despite little to no chance of that actually being the case.

CR

Piss poor form.

He rides bikes and wears glasses.  I do that.
Does that mean I could be the world's fastest sprinter?
No, no it does not.
Image source

So, for those of you not following the Tour you may have missed the latest installment of fans taking the piss. Mark Cavendish (worlds most decorated sprinter on a bike) last night had a fan throw urine in his face as he raced the individual time trial. Pungent.

What reason can this piss-ant loitering in the crowd have for doing that? If you wanna throw something, firstly don't, secondly, make it inoffensive, a pisstachio perhaps?
If you are going to insist on being a dick, make sure you inspissated (definition) the liquid first so that Cav doesn't have to taste your sweet warm stickiness for the rest of his ride. I hope the thrower didn't find said liquid in any old pissoir either (definition).
No doubt this pisstaker's gone back to his mates, translated the story to them thinking it's a pisser and drawn a piss-weak response.

If this kinda crap is what you're planning to do during the tour -

                                                                 PISS OFF!
                                                                    No pun intended.

That little ray of sunshine.

Got out for a ride this morning, leaving at 7:30 in a balmy 5 degrees or so. Put it this way – I’m soft. The cold weather’s making me sooky. I know I claim to be a “cyclist”, but I’m not one of the proper ones yet. They get out at 5:45am when it's depressingly cold and dark. You’ve either got to be 40 plus (when the body starts naturally waking for the baby and sleep-ins are a fond memory) OR…well, committed. Neither of which I am or claim to be.

So 7:30 is a fair effort and two pats on the back for that. Then the inevitable began, numbness from my fingers all the way to my feet. So blah blah blah, more whining etc etc, the point is I was almost at the end of my tether until I saw that one little thing that made it all ok.

On a fire hydrant, written in blue texta, protected by a formidable combination of plastic sleeve and duct-tape was the ultimate ‘Talk to the hand technology.’ It reads:

“Hello Barry, I am not working today. Don’t need a lift. Stephen from the tennis courts.”

I pulled out my iPhone - dripping with the very same technology to which Stephen’s hand was raised - and captured a beautiful thing rarely seen in today’s modern world, a hand written letter. If this is Stephen’s equivalent of an SMS, then you can be sure his home phone employs the use of two tin cans and a length of string. 

I won't even begin to try and decipher how a note, stuck to a fire hydrant, facing away from the footpath, low to the ground, on the other side of the road to the tennis courts is going to grab Barry's attention. Not to mention Barry has to arrive at the courts in order to realise he's not required at the courts. There's a lot going on here that suggests not a lot is going on upstairs. But maybe that's what's so great about it.

I could be totally missing the point and reading too much into nothing more than a joke between friends, but for now in my reality, Steve and Barry, love your work. 

CR

Siva Atom

A mate showed me a video for the Siva Atom a while ago and I've decided to post it because I think it looks great.

According to their website the Atom is:  

"...a lightweight, highly efficient bicycle generator and rechargeable battery pack designed to power virtually any of your electronic or mobile devices via USB." Siva Cycle website

Through Kickstarter the Atom campaign raised $126,082 USD (target 85,000) between April and May this year. Looks like these are gonna start showing up on rear wheels around November and I want one.

HOWEVER

I was a little disappointed to learn that I won't be able to use it to power my usb enabled toy hamster + wheel; the faster I type the quicker the hamster runs. I know, catch up NASA. Please take a moment to watch the attached video complete with appropriately annoying music, German subtitles and one helluva hand model!

 CR

   

Source: Siva website

The what of where?

Image source

So the Tour of Austria’s on til Sunday.


Is everyone else live streaming it while watching the TdF on tv? Anyone...? Anyone...? Bueller?

It started the day after the opening stage of Le Tour and is running for a week. Not the best choice of timing from the race organisers (if we’re honest), who in 1949 (inaugural year) took the quote “Dance like nobody's watching” a touch too seriously.

I don’t think we can even label this event a bridesmaid to the TdF. It's as though Austria came along and said 'You've got a tour, we'll have one too. Such fun.'

To be fair, the Tour of Austria is still bike-racing and for that it's great! So let's give it a chance and their website a few extra hits: Tour of Austria 2013

 CR

 

Sit down!

An AMAZING example of what should happen to every annoying fan that runs too close to the Pros.

Watch closely and you'll notice that it's actually another fans (intentional) elbow that drops him. That's a bit nasty.

CR

"Hey mate where's your bike?

    "Outside."

"Did you wanna bring it in so it doesn't get stolen?"

    "Nah it's cool. I've locked it up."

GERRO = YELLOW

GreenEDGE you absolute legends. 

What an amazing result to take our (all Aussies can claim this one of course, just like we do NZ born Russell Crowe) second stage in two days. Add the Yellow Jersey* to the equation on the back of Simon Gerrans and you’ve got me jumping up and down at 2am with only a sleeping puppy to share it with. Wild times.

I had a quick search through my records and found a snapshot that has instantly jumped to the front of the photo album.

It was taken at the Hanover ConnectEast Ride for Home last year. The conditions on that day were some of the worst I’ve ever ridden in but when the sun came out at the end of the ride I spotted the deity himself, saddling up next to Mr Gerrans himself for a happy-snappy.

No matter that my expression seized in time is one of mild-constipation in stark contrast to Gerro's pristine pearly white smile. 
It wasn’t the make up of my bowels concerning me at the time, oh no, what was racing through my head was whether or not I’d be able to steal Gerro’s bike and ride away fast enough to not be caught with my newly acquired souvenir…suffice to say I don’t have an official GreenEDGE Scott Foil proudly displayed on my living room wall. I’m happy to report that this is not because I couldn’t ride fast enough but because morals won out on the day.

So this is another great memory via yet another less-than-great pic (see post #1 ‘Trè obvious). Maybe I should stay away from cameras for a while.

If you haven’t seen the amazing ride that put Gerrans and GreenEDGE front and centre on the world stage then have a watch of 'Stage 4 TTT':

GreenEDGE Backstage Pass

*The Yellow Jersey is worn by the leader of the race. A massive achievement for GreenEDGE who have openly stated they're targeting stage wins this year above anything else. 

Stay tuned for regular update, videos and general bike related chat.

Source: http://www.greenedgecycling.com/backstage-pass/

CR