5 MUST HAVES IN ANY SADDLE BAG

There's so many articles about what one should pack in their saddle bag.
But so many of them miss the point.
See, punctures are a bitch, but there's always a friendly soul, or a convenient bike shop close by.
What you really need in a saddle bag are the following...


1. SELFIE STICK-

It's hard to hold your phone and operate the camera and take the snap and keep it focused. So this year, I'm packing a selfie stick ready for the grams.

Here's a warning shot of a selfie without the stick:

2. A MUG OF CONCRETE + A SHOULDER TO CRY ON

Let me put it this way - I'm not a complainer when it comes to hurting on the bike.
...
Well, not often.
...
Well, I complain a bit but I keep it to myself.
...
I complain a fair amount but not heaps more than your average.
...
I do complain though.
...
When it's cold.
...
Heaps.
...
In my head.
...
Nah, out loud.
...

I'm softer than the fur on a new born colt. 

Someone get this man a Mug, STAT!

3.HAND SANITISER (waterless of course!)

I'm no germaphobe, but you don't need to be to understand that any time you enter a public toilet, you'll be leaving with more than you came in with. Bugs. Lots and lots of dirty bugs.

Question without notice: How many feces NOT in the toilet does a Council need to see before they decide to refill the soap dispenser? In my experience, apparently heaps.

So if you don't want more bed-bugs than a backpackers bunk accompanying you on your ride home, get some squeegee.

P.S What's going on in this pic? Why is there a Question mark after 'Handwash'? And why is wash faded out, that leaves it reading as How to Hand. Bizarre.

4. COURAGE

The courage to start a dialogue with that cyclist that's out on the open road with absolutely no idea how faded and see-through their knicks have become.
Years of heavy work and hearty sweat in the saddle has made those butt cheeks look good, but not everyone in the slipstream needs to be 'copping an eyeful of the peach' as they say.
So if you swing up alongside a worn-out traveler, just dip into your saddle bag, pinch a sprinkle of that courage out and let them know it might be time to re-invest in some new kit.

5. A BIG HEART FULLA JOY

"Get off the road!"
"Scum!"
"Nice lycra Dickhead!"
"Hi, I'm a NSW's Politician and cyclists suck, am I right!?"
"My daughter rides a tricylce with training wheels and she's just learning and it's a really rewarding experience for me as a father and I love her but it doesn't change the fact that I hate you being in my God Damned Car Lane!"

Ahhhhh....the bike....what a joyous place to be.

Thanks for reading.