GreenEDGE scores a win at the Vuelta

After finishing 3rd on stage 4 Michael 'Bling' Matthews finished at the front of the bunch on stage 5 to chalk up his first Grand Tour stage victory. The nickname obviously comes from all the metal hanging out of his face and considering the infinite detail to which cyclists weigh their components I hope it's carbon bling.


 Read about it on the GreenEDGE website


 Watch it on GreenEDGE's youtube page

The tale of Sweet Sunny Sunday

What a gorgeous ride up the 1 in 20 last Sunday. Whilst it wasn't the most challenging ride I've ever done it was a great way to spend an unusually sunny weekend in Melbourne.
Strava (click here) suitably recorded all of the finer points and it was the first time I've decended from the old Sassafras sass without sooking about how cold it is. Honestly, my eyes weep at the cold when it's anything less than 5 degrees, yet I can comfortably watch pros riding in falling snow and abuse their lack of effort from the comfort of a nook in the couch. Hypocrite never came cleaner off the tongue.

Can I start, however, by making a short public announcement to all those in the greater Stonnington area. If your car has more parking tickets, flat tyres and bird shit on it than branding, it's time to buy a bike. You've clearly lost all interest in it's abilities of transportation and a change might be what you're after.

Of course, the person that owns the above car may have already done that, hence the condition of what must once have been a proud Merc.

♪♫♪My friends all drive Porches, I must make amends. Oh lord, won't you buy me, a shit-stained Benz♪♫♪

 Great ad, really stuck with me that one.

So back to the cycling. We hit the top of the hill (1 in 20) and had a great recoup at Ripe café where we added to the lycra clad swarm clambering over each other for coffee like flies on sh...um, never mind.
I wonder whether flies pass cafés early on a Saturday/Sunday morning, see the cyclists and just take a moment and to appreciate.

 

 Probably what I enjoy most about Ripe café is the sign over their toilet.

 

Notice how at the bottom is says "Please don't rip this sign down!", which would suggest that in the past someone has.

Why would that have happened?

Did someone read the sign and get offended at management's request?

"That's crap, if I wanna piss on the seat, I'm gonna piss on the seat. Free country and all, you can't tell me to aim for the bowl."

I can only hope it wasn't a woman tearing down the sign in protest.

Dave coming back down the hill.

I do love riding, but I also love the great things I see along the way. Stopping to whip out the mobile and snap a memory does keep me entertained, maybe not so much my fellow riders as they continuously stop but they'll get over it.
This photo is one I took towards the end of the ride. Maybe I'm misreading something here, but the award doesn't seem to fit with the associated product.

Finishing the ride was like finishing this story, overdue.
I swung past Dad's place where there was an amazing breakfast/lunch just waiting to be shredded. Exactly what I needed.

So if you've managed to read all the way through, thank you. I realise I'm publishing a tale that's probably more befitting of an 85 year old grandfather rambling in a shady corner hoping to snare some passer-by in the convoluted web of his story rather than that of a 26 year old man who is (supposedly) sound of mind. That's ok though, I kinda like the thought of being that guy who just talks until someone listens. Trial and error and all that. Or something.
Dum de dum de dum.
So....who's going out tonight?
Ah this post is over, who'm I kidding.

Thanks for reading. If you still are.

Ok. I'm really going now.
No you hang up. No you!
Ok, love you.
Bye.


Bye.

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BOOK REVIEW. Why? Because words are fun.

Image source

I recently read Tyler Hamilton's book The Secret Race about his career in cycling. It pays particular attention to the widespread doping that marred the sport during his time as a professional.
But hey, if you want a proper review on the book here are some links cause I'm not offering that:

Bike radar review

NY Times review

David (someone or others) review

Right, now that we've weeded out those who want engaging, informative, quality book reviews we can continue.

My take in 5 points:

1. Despite the fact I read it in 1^1/2  days, it is not a picture book. This is not a bad thing. It does have pictures, just not heaps. The one's we do get display some 3rd degree tan-lines, juiced athletes saddled up on retro bikes and proof that not all drugs make you massive. Exhibit A - 

   

   "Um, my steroids aren't working, but this thing sure does tickle."
   Image source
2. Lance Armstrong was a dick.
3. Lance Armstrong is a dick.
4. Don't by hardcover books. Sure the order of all the words is the same but golly gosh they're annoying. I was forced to buy hardcover. Not at gun-point or in the world of cycling, needle-point, it was all the bookstore had left. Big regrets now. I was travelling at the time, say goodbye to about 1/3rd of my backpack space. I considered paying exorbitant amounts to get stowaway for the book alone. 
5. If you're writing a book don't use purple on the cover. There are exceptions of course if your book's titled something like Purple, a colour or The complete encyclopaedia of Eggplant. But don't forget that purple represents sexual frustration. It's true, my school blazer was purple and the fact was rammed home every day by other school kids. To be fair it was very befitting of me  at the time. Can we also take a moment to recognise the image on the front cover - a bit suggestive considering it's encompassed by 'sexual frustration.' It's not mentioned in the book but is Hamilton suggesting something here? He did room with Armstrong after all. Maybe some lies are too hard to tell? Maybe Armstrong was The Secret Source of sexual frustration? Maybe I'm just being really immature? Hmm........something to think about.

So I suppose I need to give it a rating like all the best reviews do. And I guess I should make it quirky by giving ratings with some far-out yardstick, a la stars for movies.

RATING: 

4 out of 5 blood transfusions.

If you're a giraffe, searching for a bike, look no further

I took this pic in 2011 when visiting family in Brighton, England. Having rummaged through my archives I dug it up and all it managed to do was present questions. So many questions.

• Where are all the clowns?
• Where's the step ladder to get on?
• Where's the step ladder to get off?
• Does it come with a harness and bungee cord for safety? 
• What happens when you pull up at a red light?
• If you bothered with a rear light, would any drivers see it? 
• Why am I the only one taking a photo of this crazy thing?
• Why are there people sunbathing? It's not a beach, look closely, it's covered in pebbles. That's not a beach. You need sand. Sort your game out Brighton.

You can see that the chain is detached, which suggests that someone in the past has simply forgotten their insanely oversized bike at the beach or they've left it there as a public art installation. Either way, seems a shame that such a unique machine is being left to rust. 

Kn*cks n D*cks

It appears this Polish team's knicks were equipped with extra padding at the front. Unfortunately it was cheap material and had a tendency to warp. 

Can't say it's a problem I've ever had. *sad face*

Thankfully they're professionals and it didn't seem to affect them too much, as displayed here by the fact that they were all still able to stand to attention pre-race.

Image source: sportzfun.com

But what would this blog be without a little bit of Aussie Pride?

It may be quite pixelated, but some things appear in sharp focus.
It's quite clear where these lads stand on the issue of a Republic or a Monarchy. I think Princess Anne knows as well.

Image source: rowingservice.com